"What's Next?"

I had a plan for my life once. Most 20-somethings do. Maybe your plan is in a constant state of alteration. Or possibly you gave up on plans completely. I like to pretend I still plan out my life and think it all through. Although at this stage of the game I'm content with saying, "that's a load of shit." 
I've become incredibly spontaneous, inconsistent and maybe even a bit flaky when it comes to the future of my life and surprisingly I'm ok with this.

As a travelled person, at least in the eyes of the people from my hometown, on top of being a 25-year old college grad with no insurance or career this is the most despised question heard almost weekly: "What's next?" 
What I say is some line about working and saving until my next runaway moment. Which, to be fair, is about 85% accurate. However, what I want to say is, "I don't have a clue because my suitcase is still fully packed, just strewn across the spare room of my parent's home." 

I speculate there are roughly three types of people who ask this question.
The first is your family and friends who are genuinely interested about your game plan, when you're leaving again or when you'll need to borrow a couple hundred bucks or something. 
The second would be the people who don't really know you but stalk you out on social media and kind of dabble in keeping up with your personal life through photos and other posts.
Third would the people asking to ensure they're not the only person who doesn't have their shit together. (You're my favorites.) 

Here's where I'm at currently: I just moved back into the country and never remember how important IDs are. I moved into the spare room of my brother and his girlfriend's place. I drive my mom's car. I'm waiting tables and other odd jobs so I don't drown in debt. 

What am I doing next?
I don't have a fucking clue! 

When I decided to leave China early I convinced myself I had to have some elaborate plan so I could tell people something other than, "I was homesick."

But why? It's my life...

I read an article on ThoughtCatalog.com about a month before I left China. The author was talking about what it's like to hang up your backpack and passport and stay in one spot. (Read it here). I enjoyed the read, but I never thought it'd pertain to me... until now.

The rain pelts the tin roof for the twentieth consecutive hour. A sound I've missed for far too long. A sound few people appreciate in this world anymore. 
I'm a firm believer in "the little things in life." Joy can come from the smallest word, moment or feeling. 

Here is a short, quick list of the little things I missed while living in  China. 
1. Rain on a tin roof (obviously).
2. The smell of fresh cut grass.
3. The dingy feel of my dog's fur after he's dried from a dip in the lake or pond.
4. My dad's scent when he comes home from a day of work.
5. Driving on back roads past pastures and fields.
6. Coffee at Granny's. 
7. Southern Maid Donuts (yes, it's that special). 


These are all the things that have never changed and been a constant favorite in my 'adult' life, even if they are a bit strange in your mind. Things that are at the top of my "I can't wait" list whenever I'm returning home from a journey. And some of these little things won't last forever which is why I am where I am with this blog. 

I was accepted into Webster University for my master's, but maybe I don't want to take out the double-digit thousands of dollars it would take to complete said degree yet. Also, I'm happy being home and getting my boots dirty for awhile.
I've already postponed grad school a semester. And my life in China seems like another lifetime ago. I communicate with my close friends regularly but it's almost surreal. It doesn't seem like it's been three months, but two years. I keep waiting to board my return flight, yet I don't want to. That probably seems confusing unless you've been there I suppose.


I traveled to figure it out. Find myself. Soul search. Eat, pray love and all that jazz. Although I'm not 100% there, I reached the most important peak I needed to reach: confidence.  

I thought moving to another continent on my own and surviving 18 months was the hardest thing I'd ever endure. I'm now realizing the hardest part is right now and finding the strength to remain in the place I was originally running from and being content with that decision. The true challenge is returning, starting from scratch and having the strength to stay. 
As a runner leaving comes easy. Money or not you leap. People think you're brave, in reality you're probably frightened or maybe just a bit stupid. I believe I'm a mix of both. 

When you ask a 20-something, or even 30-something-year-old human what they're doing with their life, what their dreams are or what their goal for the year is you're just making them feel like a waste. More importantly, you're forcing them to grow up. Everyone matures and develops in the world at different paces. Some people hit the ground runnin' at 19. Others make it around 50 or so. 

No way in hell I'm done traveling. But I am done living abroad or living more than a few hundred miles from my family. I have a whole lot more on my bucket list, but not all of those things are overseas or require a plane ticket to reach. Right now I'm happy. I'm home and I'm not trying to run away anymore so I'm making the best of what I've got. So, give us a break. People worry about what they're doing with their lives because we ask them so much. I'm just waiting it out until something strikes my fancy. That's what's next if I'm being 100% honest with you. :)