Since I'm a bit of a nomad and a free spirit people come to me when they feel down. I love this and I'm pleased they choose me, but I'm just me. I only have wisdom to share through my story. Because our stories are really all that we have, aren't they? You should never ask advice on a matter from someone who has never experienced it, yet, you should never ask advice on a matter from someone who has because they are most likely two things: ignorant or jaded.
I can tell you all about my struggles. Starting from the bottom and clawing my way out of the grave I dug. But your struggle is yours and mine is mine. Maybe we can help each other in some small way, but really we are our only help. We have to listen to ourselves before we can listen to another. People can tell you advice and what you need to change all day long, but unless it's what you want to hear it's no more than wasted breaths and energy, right?
For example,
-You hate your job? Then quit.
-You don't love him anymore? Leave.
-You don't want to go to college? Don't.
-You don't want to. DON'T.
But it's never that simple is it. My own parents know better than to tell me too much because they know I'm stubborn and only try harder to make it happen in order to prove a point. Sometimes if we advise too much, we push in the wrong direction.
I have found that I'm often too eager, too optimistic and too forward to accommodate some of my friend's needs and expectations. Meaning, I've had what I hope to be my biggest struggle in life, (not the last, but the worst) and I've vowed to always run to greener pastures rather than be petty or wallow when it gets tough. Therefore, as I said, I can't be sad with you, only give you my sympathies. I cannot guide you through your struggles, only hold your hand.
I give and offer and supply advice, sometimes on matters I don't know about or understand myself. It's just my obligation as a friend to give support and say what people need to hear, right? But is that really my responsibility?
I spend a large amount of my time finding my own answers and positivity through meditations, reading, writing or whatever. I do all that just so I can send it to someone else when they need it? When did I become the supplier of positivity to my peers?
I'm not angry, but maybe a little frustrated. I work hard to find a way to be optimistic and not let the hard world fuck with my soul and mindfulness. Then I just divert that energy to someone not myself. I have the right to preserve that hard earned energy for myself, don't I?
In all this I've realized we are not really looking for answers or help when we go to someone without intent of maintaining or taking action to the advice given to us. We are simply in need of someone to talk to, vent to or bitch to. We simply just want someone to know we are in pain because to keep it inside is too much and talking it out to ourselves is considered crazy.
I wrote all of this after a frustrating day. I wasn't going to turn it to a blog, until I found the message in it all.
We all give advice and we all ask for it. There is no right or wrong to it, I simply felt selfish last week. Don't ask for answers you're not going to use. At the least let the idea rattle your brain. And don't ask me to lie to you; if you ask my advice, it's going to be the truth, painful or not.
All that being said, of course I should share my positivity. We all should. We're allowed to be selfish and it's ok to be. However, the rule of life is to give without expectation of receiving. So, yes, I should give my positivity back to the world that gave it to me. Whether or not it listens or takes is out of my control.
Last week, I went on holiday with my best friend. We climbed Mt. Emei for 23 miles and 12 hours. Ninety-five percent of the hike was stairs. After hour seven the first day I was convinced my body could go no further. G pushed me, though. He pushed me all the way to the monastery we stopped to sleep in at hour nine. He made sure I rested every 10 minutes, drank water, ate some fruit and also that we didn't stop long enough for me to get cold. He just kept saying, "You're doing great. We're almost there. You're amazing. We're past the point of pain, just push." I of course was cursing him the whole way. This will sound dramatic, but I swear to God I'da never reached the Golden Summit without him. And not once did he get frustrated or aggravated at my weakness, he used what little energy he had to make sure I pushed my limits and made it to safety. So on day two, when he was exhausted from day one, I sucked it up and pushed his ass through the freezing cold, much shorter hike of four hours to the top. His giving of positivity was 100% selfless. So you see, there are many ways to share our positive energy. And we shouldn't exert it to those undeserving, but we should give the opportunity for all. I'm no longer struggling in life, but I sure as hell remember the ones who got me through it.
The phrase, 'Smile, because you never know who's having a bad day' isn't an exaggeration. And be kind because you never know what a difference it can make. I'm no motivational speaker, and I'm damn sure not Little Miss Sunshine, but I do keep my eyes and ears open for moments to bask in or share positivity.
This blog may be a bunch of rambling nonsense to most of you, but I hope I was able to make a semblance of a point here.
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