The second most common piece of advice I've found is if you hesitate to write it out, you're in fact, not a writer. (I also don't completely support that theory, but it's a real pusher.)
My roommate and I were discussing my blogging habits and she said she's tried but could never find where to not cross the personal line. I told her there really is no such line and told her it took me a while to crossover, but once I did, I never came back. The trick is, as Hemingway said, "All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." When you choose to write you share it all. If you keep anything inside, maybe there is a part that'll never reach the audience or mind it was intended for.
It took me years to realize I'm not writing solely for myself. I write what I want, yes, but I still mull over the mind of my audience.
I quit journaling because I quit focusing on myself. Also, because since I've crossed the personal line, there isn't much need. I don't need to write down the latest string of men in my life, my travel experiences, drunken nights out, horror stories and so forth because most likely I'll write it in a blog. If not, I'll have the memory elsewhere.
What I needed was to write publicly. There are other people who need to hear about it. Everyone reacts differently to situations, events, moments, et cetera. People need to know they're not alone. People need to know they're not the only ones who react. People, in general, just need to hear it sometimes.
I don't write about my life and journeys as repentance or bragging. I write because someone has to. The brain is a myriad of running thoughts, possibilities, ideas, and opportunities. For me, I write honestly because someone somewhere needs it and I can only hope it reaches them. I'm an in-betweener on life's motivational food chain.
Here's what I mean...
We as humans always need others. We need someone stronger to push us, but we need to be stronger than another so we have someone to push, too.
We need someone positively optimistic to bring us up, but we need the downers to encourage not to surrender.
We need someone with gumption to motivate us, yet we need the more idle below us to help us realize our own endeavors are wasting.
We need the fearless to inspire us and yet, we need to be courageous in the eyes of others so we move them.
It's all an endless cycle you see.
As I've said before, I write random tidbits on my phone and other places, and eventually piece together something to post. Originally this was two separate blogs, but I found the way to tie it in. Accompanying something personal in the later half, obviously.
I wrote this last week because my washing machine broke and all I knew to do was call my dad. Because although the machine and all accompanying instructions are Chinese, Daddy would've known what to tell me to look for.
For my parents:
Busted with fake IDs. Caught making out in a car by the cops. Runnin from the cops. Breaking curfew. Sneaking out of the house. Sneaking in the house. Smoking pot. Drinking a lot. Starting a bar fight. Ending a bar fight. Making out with someone ugly cause your beer goggles are on. Being that girl. Being that guy...
These are all common mistakes, events, choices or whatever verb you choose that allow us to learn. Or maybe we never learn from them. Point is, we can look back on all these incidents and identify a laugh or smile with them. We were happy. Even if only for a moment. Some of us do these things at 13. Some at 18 and others until we are 30. We all find adulthood in our own time. When we're ready. When the world is ready.
I'm 25, going on 26 years old. I'm leaving my life abroad to come home to nothing. Nothing except my parent's open doors and my usual ambitious attitude, of course. I'll have no car, no job and no prospects of either. It's unfortunate my parents raised a writer and a wanderer who can't see past six months of life. However, I really lucked out with the two of them. They'll ask too many questions and drive me crazy asking what I'm doing and where I'm going and why, but I'm looking forward to 21 questions.
My mom recently posted she had no guidebook to raising my brother and me except The Bible. Well, I don't have anything other than their lifetime of guidance. And I may know nothing about parenting but I've got a novel on being a daughter.
I know when I'm being selfish. I now know when I was being selfish. I know when I overlook them too often. I know when they don't hound me with messages because they want me to message them. And they know I will... especially when I need them.
But this isn't really what I want to write about.
What I'm going to say, in a not so delicate way, is this...
I vow to never make you spend your final years in a place surrounded with strangers. A place full of dementia, Alzheimer's and loneliness. Even if you can't remember me, I'll always remember you. When I was in diapers unable to use the bathroom properly, you never gave up on me, so I promise never to give up on you, either.
This might seem a bit melancholy, too far in the future or just plain odd (and a bit blunt), but the thought just occurred to me. I understand people can't always afford the care they'd like for their families as they age. I also realize I'm not a nurse, doctor or caregiver. What I do know is I can bust my ass to afford those things as best I can. I also know many people become too consumed in their adult lives and selfish ambitions and forget how they even came to success. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, we often put our parents on the back burner.
A No. 1 interview question to highly successful people is often, "What motivates/inspires you?"
Well, I don't have an Emmy, a publishing contract or a TV series, but I consider myself to be successful in what it is that I desire, and who other to credit than my folks.
Seriously! I'll always know who it was putting $40 in the bank when I over drafted my account. Who gave me an extra $20 when I was going to meet friends or an extra $100 when I traveled. I remember who always had a full tank of gas and never said anything when I brought it home on E. I'll remember being 25 and coming home unemployed, homeless and car less and the ones who sheltered, fed and drove me.
As you've lived your life ensuring my brother and I always had what we needed and what we've wanted, I promise to make you my goal in life.
I recently read an article called "All the ways I promise to love you." It was beautifully written by a woman writing to her future husband.
As I wrote this, I realized it was a way to tell my family how I promise to love them now when I don't always remember to show it in the future.
So, mom and dad, here are my promises:
1. I promise to keep you in my life.
I promise not to forget you when I get married and start my own family, even if that's on another continent.
I promise to die with mounds of debt in travel expenses before making excuses not to be home for a holiday over something as small as money.
That being said, I promise to never miss another Christmas.
I promise to include you in everything and every decision.
I promise to talk to you when I'm scared, lonely or confused.
2. I promise to always need you.
I promise to call when I have a question about a recipe or hardware.
When I'm sinking, I promise to ask for help and never be prideful.
When I have children of my own, I promise to acknowledge your opinions and listen to your advice, although I may not always take it.
3. I promise to be like you.
I promise to give tough love and support my children through their craziest phases of life and most adventurous proposals and ideas just as you've always supported mine (and Bubba's).
I promise to love my spouse in the way you've always loved each other.
I promise to make home always feel like the safest and most welcoming place in the universe just as you've always done.
I promise to read to my children before bed.
I promise to hold family gatherings often, and including the extend members.
4. I promise to simply love you.
When you (inevitably) start losing your mind, I promise to laugh with you and not get angry when you do something moronic.
I promise to worry like hell and cry like the baby I am when you fall ill or have some medical test done.
If you want to stubbornly drive at 90 years old, I promise to ride shotgun.
If you want to fish on the lake at 80, I promise to prioritize my weekends.
If you want my children to take a photo with the damn Fouke Monster silhouette in Texarkana, I promise to pull the car over, too. :)
5. I promise to make you proud.
I can't promise I'll ever be the princess in fancy dresses and shoes that most mothers envision for their little girls. And Daddy, I can't promise I'll stop making terribly ignorant life choices that leave me lost and/or broken. But, I promise to always be strong and independent, yet sympathetic. I promise to be opinionated and open-minded, yet polite. I promise to be adventurous and happy, yet safe. I promise to always try, even if I only learn to fly on the way down. I promise to be myself, because regardless of who that is, that's who I was meant to be.
See, here's the deal. When you live abroad your parents, at the end of the day, are all you've got. You learn how much you need them. Yes, even at 25, 28 and 30 years old. When we have our own careers, our own houses and our own children they're still a vital part of us and who we are becoming still.
Living away from my parents made me realize what I already knew: I'm incredibly lucky to not come from a damaged home, ill parents, or worse. I've always known, but the distance has intensified the admiration I have for my parents. They have two jobs in this life. First, whatever one pays the bills and mortgage. Secondly, putting up with their offspring for as long as both shall live. We test their sanity, their spousal choice, their grace and their tempers, but they stay... Forever.
They say not to make promises you can't keep, but I'm not. Remember these written promises, mom and dad, so you'll always know, even when I forget to show you and I'm acting spoiled, just how much I love you.
And above all of these promises... I promise to see you in 66 days. :)
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