This morning I woke to the sound of semi-fierce knocking on the door. Living in a foreign country knocks on the door are always a bit intimidating. You don't usually borrow sugar from the neighbors. Basically you would only hear knocking if you were expecting company.
The Chinese voices on the other side of the door ranged in pitch and distinction and it sounded like at least three men.
My Chinese is enough I knew they were saying "police." The steady rapping at the door told me that before they opened their mouths.
In China, all residents, foreign or local, must register with the local police station in their neighborhoods for residency permits. A way for the government to keep tabs on who is who and where.
Now is the time I tell you the door being banged on isn't mine...
Three weeks ago I made a new friend. Let's call him Leish. This means "why" in Arabic and has a greater meaning for this story. He's from Syria.
Let me back track on our current friendship and conversations. You see, Leish inspired me to write a blog the day I met him. I've slowly been adding and subtracting to it careful of what I say given the state of the world and the place Syrians stand in it. This guy works for China's biggest news network as a foreign news expert watching video footage and giving it the go ahead or the boot to be broadcast.
Last week, on the way to see another friends band play I asked him how it really was in Syria and how he dealt with it.
"It's sad to see your country blown to pieces every day on TV. Like oh, I know that street. It was so beautiful. Or that was my favorite cafe," he said.
Back tracking more to show my total lack of comprehension and understanding of the situation in Syria... The night I met him I was asking how long he'd been in China. The usual ex pat introductory conversation. He said he hadn't been home in five years. My response, "Why?" His response, "I can't." Me again, this time to myself, 'you fucking moronic American girl. Good luck salvaging this conversation.'
Guys, I'm clearly aware of the situation in Syria. However, in a routine conversation when meeting new people I work on auto pilot.
Lucky for me, my southern charm was able to explain my word vomit and I managed to make a new friend before leaving the bar that night.
That being said, after spending more time with him I decided I didn't know enough. I spent four hours researching all the situations, names, events and history of ISIS, Syria, Iraq, Muslims, Al Qaeda, etc.
Those four hours reminded me why I keep a pretty strict no news policy for my life; its fucking tragic.
I cried a bit then called my mom and bitched a bit more about the world, humanity, religion, Christians, etc...
Last night I'm having drinks with Jazz at my new spot and Leish shows up and I ask about his day and how he is doing with the whole Paris/Beirut situation. Because he is a victim of those attacks as much as the others. In some ways even more so.
"The police came to my house today asking for my papers and what hours I work and some other shit. I told them my hours and shut the door," he said.
Last night we closed the bar down and a few of us went to Leish's house after. Being early morning and drunk by the time we all wound down I crashed there.
It was Leish's door being knocked on this morning. The look on his face when they left, y'all. The fucking look on his face!!! I've known many forms of heartbreak in my life, but the state in which my heart responded to the look on his face I hope to God never happens again. I just walked over and hugged him and could say nothing more than, "I'm sorry." Then I told him, "It'll be some other race in a couple years. You're going to the get through this."
I'm sorry? How pathetic is that? There is nothing that will restore his soul or stop the depression he suffers from this civil war. Hugging his family after seeing them for the first time in five years, safe from ISIS' wrath will only mildly ease that pain.
He later went on to say he doesn't want to teach his children the Arabic language or ever go back there. Guys, the state of his humanity is so crushed by all of this that he would reject passing on his heritage and culture to his children. Do you see where I'm going with this yet? So I ask you. I am fucking begging you cowards to stand up. If 'all lives matter' please stop racial profiling!!!
My friend is an atheist, his father doesn't practice Islam and he has lived in China for six years. That's a year and a half prior to when the civil war officially began in Syria. But it wasn't the beginning of racial profiling for him, was it?
He said something to me when we were talking 'politics,' if you will. "You Americans are always spraying your freedom," he said.
He is right! We are so focused on making every country ''better'' or like us because democracy is best and all that other shit. But I ask you, is it really?
9-11 has become almost nothing more than an excuse used to justify Islamaphobia. Americans are afraid. Given the history of the world we never know when a dictator will rise and hunt entire races or more mildly, when attacks will happen like this weekend in Paris. History repeats itself as unfortunate as that is. I understand we should be cautious about things. However, the majority of the world lives in paranoia of the past repeating itself rather than embracing the future. Maybe, simply thinking out loud here, if we opened our minds, read a bit more and thought before we spoke, the world could be a helluva lot more peaceful.
Peace as a whole is something I don't believe the world will ever reach. Even after it ends. Westerners in general tend to have a lot more freedoms, comforts and accessibility to the 'finer things in life.' Believe me! I live in the capital of one of the world's most powerful, rising nations and some days I look around and still see third world characteristics. Those characteristics are often what I love most about China, though. Not everyone has become absorbed in modern ways. Some still live simply on their farms, drive mules and horses to town with fresh veggies and fruits and some have never seen a foreigner until I make eye contact with them.
Lastly, here's the most important thing I learned in my research. The population of ISIS members who actually believe in ISIS' 'cause' is 30%. Thirty!
We read the stories how someone saved for a year to escape and couldn't survive the lifeboat journey across the ocean. Or the families separated and faced with extreme choices for survival. The refugees with nothing but the clothes on their backs. The refugees who only eat if they're lucky enough. The refugees turned away...
Im sitting here thinking how terrible it must be to be given the option to convert or die. Many of us like to think we'd be the brave one and die before joining such a cause. But what if you have children? Maybe they've somehow kept their hope through it all and are just fighting to make it through the end. Don't you think they hate themselves enough? They don't need strangers across the world hating them, too. Is it any different from US soldiers who oppose "The Iraqi Conflict" yet are deployed to fight for something they don't agree with only to return home with PTSD or worse?
Call me a communist, liberal extremist, or socialist because I promise it won't be the first time (or the last). But let me tell you what I am. I am a fucking human being that doesn't see color, race or religion. What we need to do is live our own lives and when we meet someone different from us we should ask questions. We are so caught up in fear that we would let the world and human race crumble before us. This isn't about Islam, Christianity or any other religion. It's about lives, y'all.
I've been accused of being a lot of things some would consider a negative cause to support. I've been called a lot by strangers, family and friends the same since becoming more outspoken on issues as such. However, by any fellow foreigner I've met I've never been considered or called ignorant. And that's quite an accomplishment for an American (especially a native of the South). I'm not a communist, but I see it at work here and it works for the most part. I'm not going to advocate it in the States, though. I see democracy in my own country and it too has flaws. That's all I'm saying. People fear uncertainty. What we don't know. And rather than ask, we assume which typically ends poorly. The basis of most of what I support comes from my souls reaction to humankind. If I closed my mind to one kind of human of a particular race, religion, sexual preference, etc, then I would be closed to their entire religion, race, etc. If I closed my mind to all Syrians because of ISIS I wouldn't have had the experience I had this morning with Leish. I wouldn't be able to witness first hand, the effects of ISIS, not only on the world, but on innocent individuals plagued by the name on their passport.
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