Turning a Quarter of a Century!

A quarter of a century. Damn...

It seems I've done it all at this point. I've certainly done more in the last two years than most will do in their lifetime. And it's definitely more than I ever imagined I would see or do.

At 23 I went to Europe and I only dreamt each year would be better than that. When you want it badly enough, dreams really do come true. It's harder than hell, but we do it anyway. Hellos and goodbyes become easier. Loneliness becomes peace. And fear becomes excitement.

Today I'm 25. For years I've never felt any different on the anniversary of my birth. I suppose it never meant much. However, I've been feeling 25 for a few weeks now. I'm actually feeling my age. Late nights are becoming harder to recover from and early mornings happen regardless of when I go to sleep (or how much longer I'd like to sleep). 

Lately I've been making life choices based on feelings more than logic. It may seem moronic to some of you, but I suppose living in China appears equally the same. In order to live my life by following my heart, I can't make decisions based on logic. The logic will come later. And if it doesn't, there are ways around the struggles. 

Because I'm feeling 25, I know it's going to be great. What will happen in another year, only the future will tell. One day I'll stop and smell the roses, but for now I'm a radiant wildflower among the weeds (or something poetic). 

Maybe for my 26th birthday I'll be blogging from a cushy desk job state side, but I highly doubt that. 

Once upon a time, I had an entirely different picture of where I'd be at 25, but life has a way of alternating our plans for better ones. 

Wherever I go, and whatever I do, from here on out, will be for the good. I've gotten all the trying and experimenting wild side days out of my way. Now, I will live knowing I have no regrets and no 'what ifs' left in life. There are no mistakes, just experiences. And I strongly believe that we choose our own paths in this world. 

For a long time I was bitter about life in general because let's be honest, this shit is hard; and you only have one go at it so we're learning as we go. You make plans and have dreams but life gets in the way and you re-route your course. You can read 1,000 books, listen to 100 speeches and watch countless documentaries, but no matter the amount of those things, in reality, the only guide we have here are ourselves. 

Over the years I've really discovered who I am. I'm still learning and I realize humans are forever changing so in a way I will always be learning about myself. 

I'm going to quote Taylor Swift here, judge if you will but this lyric has gotten me through some hard days. 

"Who you were is not who you'll grow up to be." 

Just think about that one...

I've been told often, and I now embrace this quality, that my worst trait is seeing the best in people. I like this about me because when everyone else dislikes someone, I may be the one person who doesn't. There is something good in everyone. You just have to want to see it. Sure that means I get hurt more and maybe I'm sensitive but at least this hard world hasn't taken my naivety. I think on the worst of days, in the worst of situations, it's the only thing that keeps us going sometimes. 

Thing number two that I know about myself is that I'm spontaneous. Not about going to dinner or a movie, shopping, weekend getaways, and such but spontaneous about bigger choices like moving to a new city or a new continent... 

I can't say who I will be next week or in my next 25 years, but I can say that I will do my damnedest to cling to those two things about myself because the combination of those two things have put me where I am today, which is exactly where I need to be. My spontaneity led me to adventures and my love of people has put unlimited souls in my life who inspire and encourage me be it for a month or eternity. 

Two years ago, when I took my first adventure I was lost. I was searching for anything and nothing all at once. Not knowing what I was looking for made the journey a mystery, which at times was difficult, but in the end I am grateful for the ignorance. I found myself when I needed her most, and when I least expected it. I have many people to thank for helping me along the way, but today, I just want to high five myself for taking the road less traveled. People are constantly encouraging and motivating each other, but that means nothing if you can't motivate and encourage yourself. (Hints my left shoulder blade that reads, "love yourself").

I used to mock people who "needed to find themselves," until I realized it existed. I realized it because I needed it, too. I had no idea who I was when 2013 began. You need to hit rock bottom, skint knees and all, before you can resurface. 

The less traveled, unpredictable road is for the wandering and the wondering. People choose a nomadic lifestyle for many reasons. Whichever one you choose, make it count. When I chose this life I was running away. I was lost and scared as hell. But I chose it and stuck to it no matter how hard it got. I'll be damned if I was going to be labeled a quitter. But, once I dug my hole deep enough, I began to resurface. (The joke about digging a hole to China seems awfully fitting here right now, ha). 

Now, the only thing I fear is fear itself. I guess Shakespeare was right about that one. To me, fear is everything I see back home. I'm afraid of becoming mundane and predictable (no offense) and fearing the rest of the world because I watch too much TV and think it's scary and dangerous. I never want to choose comfort over adventure. What I mean by that is only sticking to what I know or what is expected.

However, I also realize you can have the whole package as long as adventure remains in your heart. Adventure, can be anywhere as long as it's in you. Adventure is a verb, adventurous is an adjective. I use the word adventure as a verb with the meaning of doing anything out of our comfort zone. Something that is new. 

Sure an adventure is climbing Mt. Everest, but it can also be going on that first date after a long divorce. An adventure is moving to a country where you know no one and no thing, but it's also getting lost in the pages of a good book and shutting out the rest of the world. 

Watching the sun rise and set over an unknown horizon from a train window is an adventure, but so is watching your kid board the school bus for his first day of Kindergarten. 

What I'm saying is some day it will be ok to return to home and predictability because adventure comes in different stages, just as life does. 

But for now, I'm simply 25 and it's going to be a damn good day! :)