Success: the accomplishment of one's goals; a performance or achievement that is marked by success; a person or thing that has had success as measured by attainment of goals, wealth, etc.
The definition of these two words varies from the context of a conversation, and also from the person to whom is speaking or being spoken about.
For me, I am living my dream. I live and work abroad in China. I've traveled to places and seen things that most people can't stretch their minds far enough to imagine. I wanted to leave my hometown and see life. Not only is this my dream, but it's my idea of success. All I want is to create, experience, discover, explore and impact; and so far I am doing those things one day at a time and headed in the right direction for the result of impact.
For my father, as of last night, I realized, although on opposite spectrums of the definitions, he too has achieved his dreams and found success.
This blog is for my dad…
The idea for this blog came to me in a combination of two recent encounters.
The first.
The other night I jumped on the elevator in my building with a young teenager holding some candy and two packs of smokes. The smokes I assume to be for his father on the 22nd floor where he exited the elevator. Unlike America where IDs are checked for tobacco and alcohol purchases, that's not a norm in China (and many other countries). And it wasn't always the norm in the States. At least it wasn't always so heavily enforced. I remember my dad and aunt talking about taking alcohol and tobacco runs for my granddad when they were younger.
The second.
In a cab ride home with my boss last night the duration of my father's work history came up. My dad has worked at the same factory since he was 19 years old. He is now approaching his fourth anniversary of turning 50 (you do the math). Once, maybe sometime as recent as last year, I asked my dad if he ever wanted another job or was unhappy with having worked the same job for so long. In a nutshell his response was no because it paid the bills and provided for us.
I tell my boss this story and she commented, "that's your dad's idea of success." She didn't mean this negatively. She meant it for the truth that it was. And she was 100% right.
I think growing up, the only place my dad could call home was his maternal grandmother's where he spent every summer with my grandmother and his favorite uncle, Truitt.
My dad's father was a musician and we all know to be a musician you need to be a bit nomadic in your lifestyle. My dad never had a permanent home as a kid. My granddad apparently switched jobs about as often as they moved from rental house to rental house. To my knowledge my granddad wasn't a terrible father, just a bit more of a dreamer than a man after stability.
My grandmother was in her forties when she had my father so I guess you could call him a "surprise." My aunts and uncles are all much older than my father; his next youngest sibling is 16 years older than him. My aunt was more often mistaken as dad's mother than his sister. She always tells the story of making runs for my granddad's bar as something like, "I'd have your dad in the back and a case of beer or liquor next to him. I was just 16 years old."
Times were definitely different then.
When I was 14 we sold our brick home in a nice neighbourhood right on the outskirts of town to move to my maternal grandparent's land. My dad was hesitant saying a mobile home wasn't too safe from tornadoes and such. My mother assured him that whatever way God saw fit for them to go was how it would be so a concrete foundation was irrelevant. As a man of God, my dad didn't have much argument left.
It wasn't until last night that I realized selling our home in that neighbourhood had a much deeper meaning than the physical stability of a concrete foundation and brick walls.
My parents bought our home on McLeod Drive when my brother and I were very young (possibly sometime around 1993-94). It was the first home my father had. It was stability for himself and his family.
My dad spent years painting, tearing up and replacing all the tile and carpet, building a porch and deck. There was a backyard for his grill and a garage for all his toys. The yard provided plenty of space for his wife to plant all her flowers. The yard was big enough for a dog or two and a swimming pool to satisfy his children's happiness. My dad had obtained the American dream.
My dad is a humble man and not cheap but buying a new flat screen TV is a big deal for him. My dad has always lived within his means. In my 25 years of living I never wanted for a single thing. Not that was necessary of course. And I believe my brother will say the same of his 28 years. We may not have had the latest, the greatest or the most expensive of whatever was popular at the time but we had a version of it.
I'll never forget when Abercrombie & Fitch became popular in middle school. I had to have a shirt from there and my parents bought me the overpriced shirt as desired. A shirt which I wouldn't pay half as much for today with my own money.
But daddy never bought our love. He taught us how to work for what we wanted, and no matter what it was, if it paid, it was worthy.
Growing up, dad didn't only have the money for us to play sports, but he made the time to watch and support us. That includes attending hundreds of cheerleading competitions I know he had no interest in. The day I started cheering for sporting events in middle school was probably one of dad's happiest days. He always made time for camping trips and other weekend trips too. We were a family and even when we became teenagers and were too cool to hang out with our parents, we traveled together and did the family thing. Today, I am forever grateful for all the things our parents made us do because it wasn't until recently that I realized how special and significant all of those moments are.
In my eyes, my father is still young but he has reached his goal. He obtained stability. It may not have been his original dream or idea of success, but I think he's happy with the results. My dad's the kind of person who gains pleasure from helping others and if he has made no one else in this world happy but his family, then that'd be enough for him.
Maybe my idea of dreams and success come from my granddad and stability is one of those genetic traits that skipped a generation like diabetes or something. At the end of the day I'm no where near my dad's level of stability, but I know that people can reach their dreams. I hope his grandkids inherit his humble attitude, his kindness, his strength, his level head and his desire for stability.
I don't know if this blog makes much sense to anyone else, but as a drifter, the thing I always remember most is, "never forget the road that leads you home." And I think the only reason I am always able to go "home" is because my father built that for our family. A home is more than four walls, isn't it? It's a feeling. On May 4th, after living in China for 10 months, I'm flying back to Louisiana. While in China my parents moved to a new house on the lake. I have no idea how to get there, or what it looks like in it's entirety, but that doesn't matter because it's home. It's home because my father is there.
Many of you know that music is my thing. I get this from my dad, who got it from his father. I'll close with these lyrics. For Thanksgiving dad sent me a Bob Seger CD and told me, "I think you'll like number 8. It reminds me of you. 'All of the Roads.' You are gonna travel a lot of roads in this life, and that's good, but like they say, 'all roads lead home.'"
Bob Seger- "All of the Roads"
"All of the roads I've run
All of the faces I've left in my wake
Hopin' to leave my mark
Hopin' I gave and I didn't just take
Climbing a mountain many are left behind
Chasing a dream and seeing the world takes time
If you were in my world
If you could feel all the things that I feel
Maybe you'd understand
Every mirage has a certain appeal
After the thrill it's off to indifferent rooms
After the lights the darkness is coming soon
I've done it all before
And I have gone through every door
And I've been right down on the floor and more
All of the roads I've run
All of the years that have fallen away
Light from a distant star
Crossing the void and arriving one day
Oceans of space defending the great unknown
Sooner or later all of us head for home"
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