You take the good, you take the bad...

" you take them both and there you have the facts of life."


Growing up is hard. I'm not talking about awkward prom dates, terrible yearbook pictures, first dates, first jobs, marriage, children and so on.
I'm talking about the psychological path to growing up.
The worst part about that path is that I don't think it ever ends because we're growing up every day for the rest of our lives. Even at 90.
When I was growing up I was the friendly, good-natured, innocent, naive Christian girl. I went to church every time the doors were open because that's what my parents taught me.
Being a good person then had nothing to do with the fact I was attending church and Sunday school 2-3 times a week. I was good because I had no reason not to be.
My family loved me and I never wanted for anything.
And I was a naive child.
I didn't understand life and all it's wonderful gifts: crime, adultery, cancer, racism, hate and death.
I knew Barbie, Nickelodeon and The Baby Sitter's Club.
As I grew up I slowly lost sight of all that is pure. A completely natural part of growing up unless you live under a rock. Right?
At heart, I am, and always will be, a child. I love all things innocent and happy.
I still say "kitty," every time I see a cat, regardless of their size. I still watch the Disney channel (and I love it). I also watch The Little Rascals at least once a month (so sue me).
The small things allow me to hold on to the sanity my childhood provides me.
As I grew up I encountered all of life's "gifts" as I think I previously dubbed them.
The first was death, of course. A very natural process. You're born, you live, you die. I understand the process- doesn't mean I like it.
Death affected me majorly three times:
When my pawpaw died in 2005. I was in the awkward teenage years of "figuring myself out" and I just wasn't ready because we'd finally gotten close in our relationship. I pestered the hell out of him, but I was the baby so it didn't matter :)
When my close friend of only a few months died in a drunk driving accident. Luckily, the other three survived after some minor and major surgeries. Today, I still have one of my most favorite persons in my life because of the accident and I'm eternally grateful (I just didn't realize my luck until a year ago.) 
Thirdly was when my 20-year-old childhood pet died. Yes, our family cat, Jamie. The death of an animal, in most families, is equivalent to that of a family member. To some families it's no big deal, but not to me.
I had just moved into my very first, very own place. Paying the bills, rent, etc. It was thrilling and scary all at once. Jamie was a part of home and childhood so losing her felt like losing my last piece of innocence. Timing is everything.
Death can be seen in a multitude of ways; for me, all three of these deaths were a surprise (for the most part at least.) These are the deaths that take the longest to move past. The kind that make you angry at God and the rest of the universe. Sometimes all you really need is a chance to say goodbye.
The second "gift" I encountered was intolerance and hate. What do you care if someone is black, white or Asian? If you hate them so much just be thankful you're not them and mind your own business. Makes sense enough to me anyway. Having prejudices is natural. It's practically genetics where I come from. It doesn't mean you have to act on it, though. If I see a girl in the mall and think her sweater is repulsive do I need to tell her that? NO! It's irrelevant. There is enough pressure in this world to be "normal" or "cool" for people to also worry about the gender, race or sexual preference they were born with. We're all human. Period.
The third "gift" was heartbreak. It came in many forms for me. My family, my religion, my country, ex-boyfriends and even some friends. You love something or someone and you give them your all. Just because it doesn't go your way doesn't mean they didn't try or don't love you as well. It just isn't meant to be sometimes. Happens to everyone. You live, love and die. The end. The stuff in between are just the memories. That's what we need to remember most anyway; not the end of something. Cliche says: "It's not the end, but the beginning." That, my friends, is a fact.
I can name five people off the top of my head who I never thought wouldn't be in my life, but that's not the case. And all of those people are doing great things just like me. It's always been hard for me to lose someone or something because I find myself so easily attached, but I'm getting there. Slowly, yet surely. The older you get the easier it is to realize some losses are just a part of the inevitable cycle of life and growing up.
All this being said, I wanted to tell you it's okay to watch Disney Channel sometimes. Or wake up early and watch Saturday morning cartoons in your pajamas as you sit on the couch eating fruit loops.
Maybe acting like a child isn't your way of holding onto childhood. I don't know; I'm not you. Just find a way to hold on to some of your innocence, and don't let the negative world around you suck you bone dry. Of course it's hard, but it's not impossible.